Dudes Day -- A Running Diary

Today, for the first time in almost four months, I played the role of Mr. Mom. That is, I had Noah all to myself all day while Libby worked. Four months isn't a big deal when you're an adult, but when you're going from six to ten months old, oh man. The difference is night and day. Yes, I've seen Noah change and grow in the past four months, but I haven't taken care of him all by myself for a whole day during those four months. Either Libby has been with me, or she's taken care of him without me while I work. God bless her soul.

Anyway, I thought the easiest way to tell you about our day would be through a running diary, a la my favorite sports columnist, Bill Simmons. Here we go...

5:58 am: Libby wakes me up with a kiss on the cheek to tell me she's leaving for work. I think I mumbled something like "I love you, have a good day," but I'm not sure. My brain is in "off" mode at 6 am.

9:02 am: I awake to the sound (via the baby monitor) of Noah laughing as he plays in his crib. He's up. I'm still tired. I roll over, hoping he'll be content to play in his crib until noon.

9:15 am: Noah politely informs me (again, via the baby monitor) that, while he has enjoyed playing in his crib for the past 15-20 minutes, he is hungry and ready to get up.

9:17 - 11:45 am: Nothing too eventful happened during this stretch. I got Noah up, fed him, we played a little bit, and then he watched a Baby Einstein while I showered.

11:46 am: Noah starts rubbing his eyes, which is the telltale sign that he's tired. Nap time!

11:52 am: Noah whimpered a bit, but he's sound asleep now. Libby's advice to me last night: "When he's napping, you go nap too. Otherwise you'll be dead at the end of the day." I don't mind if I do.

12:24 pm: Apparently Noah is now into power naps, because he's already up and screaming. What happened to the 2 hour naps he used to take? I get up and make him a bottle. Hopefully he'll take it and go back to sleep.

12:26 pm: I pick the bottle up off the ground in Noah's room. He threw it a good 3 feet out of his crib.

12:32 pm: Looking out the window, I see that there are only 2 people at the pool. Noah's still in a pretty sour mood, so maybe swimming will cheer him up.

12:33 pm: I put Noah in his play pen for a while so that I can get everything ready for us to go swimming. I start making a mental to-do list, but then it gets too long, and I have to use pen and paper. It feels like we're going of town or something.

12:35 pm: First on the list: get towels. Check.

12:36 pm: Air up the yellow submarine, and scare Einstein to death in the process. Check.

12:42 pm: Get Noah's stuff together: Swimsuit, Check. Sunscreen, Check. Hat, Check Swimming Diapers, umm...

12:50 pm: Where in the world does she keep those things?

12:55 pm: Check.

12:56 pm: Gotta get my stuff together too. I get my swimsuit on and find my flip flops in the closet buried underneath every shoe that Libby owns. I need to put some sunscreen on but decide to forgo it because my boss is getting restless in his playpen.

1:05 pm: Ok, we've got everything ready to go. All that's left is getting Noah in his swimsuit and hat. Oh, and I also need to dip him in a vat of sunscreen.

1:06 pm: One thing that hasn't changed in four months: Noah likes wearing the outfit that God gave him. Getting him out of his clothes and diaper is as easy as it's always been.

1:07 pm: One more thing that hasn't changed: Noah hates putting clothes on. Except now it's more of an issue because he can crawl, twist, and turn his body into every position imaginable to avoid putting on said clothes. I'm currently trying to get his swimming diaper on him, and it's not an easy task.

1:12 pm: It took me five minutes to get the diaper on him. I'm dreading the swimsuit.

1:15 pm: Still working on that swimsuit. I'm out of breath. Noah is laughing.

1:23 pm: Here's the thing about growing up in a house with five boys: you always have someone to wrestle. And you become very good at performing an assortment of wrestling moves. I end up using a variation of Ric Flair's Figure Four Leg Lock on Noah to keep him still on his back while I inch the swimsuit up his legs. I knew that move would come in handy some day.

1:25 pm: We have two different kinds of sunscreen for Noah: A stick for his face and a spray for his body. I have a hard time applying the stick to his face because he thinks it's a Push Pop. He opens his mouth real wide and tries to lick it. In fact, I laid it down for a minute and then looked up, and here's what I saw:

1:30 pm: See the red jacket that Noah is wearing in the picture? Let's just say it was easier to put that on than keep him still long enough to spray the sunscreen on him. It'll do a good job protecting him from the sun. I mean, surfers wear long sleeve body suits like that. Same idea, right?

1:38 pm: Over an hour after we started getting ready for the pool, we're walking out the door ready to head to the pool. I'm carrying Noah, the yellow submarine, 2 towels, and my keys. Let's hope I don't drop anything.

1:40 pm: We make it to the pool in one piece! But when we get to the gate, this is what we see:

1:41 pm: I weep uncontrollably. All my sins against my parents have caught up with me.

To be continued tomorrow...