November 07, 2009

My Horrible, Rotten, Mean Husband!

My heart is racing, and my hands are still shaking as I sit here and write what happened to me not long ago. I have never been so scared in my life.

My husband is horrible, rotten, and mean! Let me tell you why.

Josh had to work tonight, so after saying our goodbyes, I decided it was time to get Noah ready for bed. I gave Noah a quick scrub down in the bath, dried him off, put his pj's on, skipped brushing his teeth {shame on me}, kissed his sweet little head, and put him in his crib to go night-night. Noah typically goes to sleep anywhere from 8-9 pm, but tonight was different. He only had two short naps today, so he was a tired little guy. He didn't make one peep after I laid him down. So sweet.

After putting Noah to bed, I decided I'd better get busy cleaning the house. There were clothes to be hung, dishes to be cleaned, and toys scattered throughout the house to be picked up. But after looking at all that needed to be done, I decided the house work could wait and that instead I would get on the computer.

I sat down at the computer, pulled up my facebook and gmail, and then all of a sudden I was bombarded with a screen that said we had 10 viruses!! The screen listed out all of the viruses with some of them labeled as critical {whatever that means}. Great, that's not good. So I followed the instructions of the anti-virus program on our computer to hopefully get rid of the viruses, but for some reason the program was being stubborn and not doing what it should {yes, I'm blaming it on the anti-virus program}.

Did I mention my husband is horrible, rotten, and mean!

Anyway, I sent Josh a text message on his phone and told him we had some serious virus problems on our computer. He told me to get on gmail so we could chat. We were chatting back and forth, and I told him what I saw on the computer screen, blah blah blah, and he said he would check it out and fix it when he got home.

So I didn't think much else of it, and started reading about ways to Go Green. I have been wanting to read up on it lately and educate myself on how-to's of it all, but I keep forgetting. I browsed around a little bit and found a website with some good tips, so I opened up a compose document in my gmail and started listing what I found. All of a sudden... typing was being controlled by someone else. Oh my gosh! I thought of the viruses on our computer that had popped up earlier. Did someone hack into our computer? Was someone watching everything I was doing?

I immediately started to type to Josh in our chat box because I was freaked out at that point, and then the person took over my typing, and wrote "Do not contact your husband." My heart leaped out of my chest. My whole body was shaking. Can the person see me? How did he/she know I had a husband? As soon as that crossed my mind the person wrote, "I am watching you." At that point I quit writing Josh on the computer, grabbed my phone, and sent Josh a text telling him he had to come home right now! I then realized neither one of us had locked the door after Josh had left {and I will never, ever do that again!}, so I immediately locked both dead bolts, closed all the blinds, checked the whole house, and then walked back over to the computer.

I see three words on the screen, "Do not move."

Well, I moved. I moved as fast as I could to shut the computer off immediately!

I could barely hold my phone because my hands were shaking so much, but somehow I managed to dial my mom's number and call her. We talked for a few minutes, and she told me to call Josh. Yeah good idea!

My heart was racing as I dialed his number. No answer. I dialed again, and still no answer. I dialed his number a third time before he finally he answered.

"Josh, you have to come home right now! I'm not kidding, I'm scared to death!!!"

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Josh, someone has hacked in our computer, and they say they are watching me, not to contact you, etc. Please come home right now! I'm so scared." I'm bawling at this point.

"Lib, calm down. It was me the whole time."

I don't even remember what I said after that. I just remember feeling a flood of relief and anger all at the same time.

And that my friends is why my husband is horrible, rotten, and mean!

I still can not believe he did that to me. I am still terrified to even take Einstein outside to go potty. I admit sometimes I am naive, but with the whole virus thing on our computer tonight, it seemed very believable. It felt like I was in the middle of a horror movie!

So if you would like to send my husband some hate mail I'll be glad to give you his email if you don't have it already.

Oh and by the way, if you haven't read the previous post, click here, because Noah is finally... {I'm not gonna tell you... you have to read it for yourself}.

I'm gonna go now and try to relax enough so my heart can beat back into normal sinus rhythm.



Angie said...

Josh, You mean to scared her to death! Poor Libby! Hey Libby, I will see you when you get here I will give you a BIG hug!! OILY

J. Byas said...

That is very mean but very funny. I will scold Josh publicly but will give him a high-five on the inside.

chriselda said...

oh wow.
ask him how he set this up!
i need to access my computer via remote locations all the time and have been meaning to look into this.

oh wait... how MEAN! and HORRIBLE!

Anonymous said...

Josh- That is hilarious!! Libby you are a weinie ....jk

The Christians said...

Hahahahaha. Sorry - couldn't help it. I saw that one coming, BUT only because my hubby likes to pull the same type of stuff on me. It reminds me of the time we watched Psycho together. I HATE horror films, no matter how unrealistic, and he barely convinced me to watch it with him, so I figured he would know better than to try anything. I should have known. A couple days later, I walked into our very dark kitchen where he had pulled the blinds slightly so a little bit of moonlight came in and was standing in a dark corner with my largest knife held above his head, glinting in the moonlight. I was soooooooooooooooooooooo mad! I think I even started crying because I couldn't believe he would do something like that!!!! We had a very long talk about how girls just don't play with knives like that and you never, ever, ever, ever pretend to be an intruder holding a large knife in your wife's kitchen!

Erica Nye said...

That sounds like a Bonjour. Sorry Libby! I bet it was scary.